Thursday 18 January 2018

The Start ... or Finish?

Belated Happy New Year to you! It has been an utterly crazy few months and it comes as no surprise to me that I have not been back since about October.  Firstly - although I may have mentioned this last post - Steve decided to retire from Tesco.  He just came home one day in October and announced he wouldn't be going back.  The general consensus was and about time too as he hadn't been terribly happy there for the last year or so.  The first few weeks were like a holiday. He got his sparkle back and everyone commented on how much happier he was.  Then, in November, his blood sugars went totally haywire.  Having been diagnosed diabetic almost a decade and a half ago, he has been on the same medication in all that time and this latest problem rocketed him into depression.  It is a depression that has been coming and going eversince. Sometimes he is fine for days or weeks at a time; his mood lifts, he says he won't let it beat him or ruin his life.  But othertimes, he sinks as low as it is possible to go and says it has beaten him and that he is tired of life and when that happens, he is almost inaccessible.  He won't talk.  He just gets angrier.  Not at me just at everything else.  It makes me feel so sad.   He kind of picked up a bit over Christmas, but then he has always loved Christmas, and for the most part, he just went with the flow.  Thankfully, he has an appointment coming up at the Diabetic Clinic where we hope they can give some answers, change his medication or offer alternatives which will make a big difference.

Shortly into the New Year we made one joint resolution together.  On Thursdays - which is the one day a week I never work - he goes out by himself and I get time to dedicate to my writing.  We gave it a trial run last Thursday.  He was out till early afternoon.  Today he went out at precisely 9.35 and, because he has been on one of his lows for a couple of days, as he walked up the road I almost felt a sense of abandonment.  He didn't know where he was heading and doubts he'll be back for lunch, so what time he'll actually get back today is anyone's guess.

On top of all that, we are looking to make our final move later this year.  We have almost decided to settle in or near Southend as that is where most of our grandchildren and our youngest daughter lives.  We have had a look at several houses online and finally decided to get some quotes from local removals firms, who have just started getting in touch to express an interest.  I need to secure the Young Writer group somehow and live in hope that the library will take it over but that will all be sorted nearer the time.  I have been running it for almost six years and, to be honest, am not sure how much further I can take it, so a fresh outlook and in put should rejuvenate it, fingers crossed.

So, on my first full day as a writer, I am sitting in the study, updating my blog.  What will I do later?  Who knows?  I have plenty of ideas but I am worried sick about Steve which isn't doing my Creative Flow a lot of good.  I know things will settle down again in due course, but until then we are on a very rocky road.  Watch this space for further updates ...

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