Tuesday, 28 July 2015

Getting Used To My Mini Tab

I am showing off tonight! I am writing this on my Samsung Mini Tab. I am slowly getting used to  it but I do get annoyed when,  for  some reason,  it doesn't get a signal.  I am afraid I have to admit that I am still something  of a novice with all this technology.

Anyway the point is I am succeeding with this post so that is a start...

Friday, 24 July 2015

A New Dawn

Today at the coffee shop, the lady in front of me in the queue, asked the barrista for a cup of hot water, sat down at an outside table - and promptly added some instant coffee granules from a jar.  I'm not sure if she should be pitied or applauded but it made me smile and that is the important thing.

Had a terrible day yesterday.  I couldn't concentrate.  Kept thinking of all the what-ifs and
if-onlys.   I just could not get my act together at all. Mum was on my mind every second.  It was almost (somewhat spookily) as if she was sitting there right beside me the whole day!  It was probably the Day Of Realization which had been previously brushed aside as all the arrangements were made and we were all darting about everywhere.  Now there is no darting about to do; no arrangements to be made - it is just life going on exactly as it did before - except of course that she isn't there, calming and serene in the background.

In the end I went to speak to my manager (at the day job) who, I hasten to add, has been the essence of kind understanding right from the off.  Told her I know I haven't been myself and have been under-performing and zoned out.  She listened and reassured.  And, after chatting with her I did feel better and today I am feeling just a bit of my old spark - hence the anecdote about the coffee shop which opened today's blog.

And - get this - I fished out The Epic this morning.....

Wednesday, 15 July 2015

Finding My Way Back

Sorry to have neglected my blog for so long.  Since we lost Mum there's been a thousand and one things to do - arranging this, organising that, trips here there and everywhere to pick up medical certificates, death certificates, some document or other.  Thank goodness I come from such a close family because we have all helped each other limp along and as a result, the Celebration Of Her Life (rather than her funeral) went really well last week, on a sunny afternoon in Sussex, followed by a wake at my sister's place.  Now we all just have to get used to life without our mum.  I have said this so many times now it is almost like a mantra.

Still being me and being from the family I do, I am starting to find my way back.  I am not sure if I will ever really make it back fully.  But here I am blogging again.  I went back to the day job today.  I had a new idea for a story this afternoon.  I have cancelled my Writing Magazine and will try another. I had a good Young Writer session last Saturday (see addiscombeyoungwriters.blogspot.co.uk) and in a few weeks Steve and I are off to Jersey for ten days.  Life carries on.  It finds a way.  And I know these moments of complete desolation and hopelessness will come and go a lot.  But as I said to my sister Sharon earlier, one day, at some time in the not-too-distant future, we will all of us get to late afternoon and suddenly realise we haven't had such a moment all day.  Then we'll know we are really on the road to recovery.

In the meantime we'll just muddle through.

And eventually - my blogs will become interesting.  Hopefully ...